


Dirty Little Secrets: Revealed

by firetop



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-02-20
Updated: 2004-02-20
Packaged: 2019-05-31 19:46:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15126605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firetop/pseuds/firetop
Summary: Josh's little secret has been revealed.  How do his friends react?





	Dirty Little Secrets: Revealed

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**Dirty Little  
Secrets: Revealed**

**by:** Fire Top

**Character(s):** Josh   
**Category(s):** Drama, Angst   
**Rating:** ADULT  
**Disclaimer:** The characters you recognize belong to Adam Sorkin and NBC.  The ones you don’t belong to me.  No money is being made off of this.   
**Summary:** Josh’s little secret has been revealed.  How do his friends react?  
**Spoiler:** Let’s say season one and two for sure.  
**Author's Note:** This was actually written before I even posted the first part of this.  This isn’t as bad as the first one and is defenatly shorter.  Again this is done in first person but the people keep changing. Everyone who sent me feedback on the first story, I thank you.  I hope you will do the same with this one.  Just so you know there will be a part three.  That one is mostly written.  It will hopefully be out before the summer. 

* * *

Toby’s POV

 

We are all stunned.  CJ is the first to talk.  "I-I didn’t" She stumbles on the words.

            It’s ok CJ.  You didn’t do anything wrong.  There is something up with Josh these past few days."  Leo says as he heads out of the office. We all just follow him.

 

            Donna looks up at us as we surround her desk.  "Is he?"  Leo asks as he motions to the closed door.

            "He asked for 10 minutes about 5 minutes ago."  She answers and looks us all in the face.  She knows there is something wrong too.

            "Donna have you noticed anything different about Josh lately?"  Leo sits down on the edge of her desk.

            "He’s been busy with all the meetings for the education bill.  But even when I have seen him, he’s been withdrawn, quiet."

            "He’s been moving oddly."  Sam adds.  "He said it is a sunburn from the weekend, but I don’t buy it."

            Leo looks pensive.  Thinking about everything that has been going on the past week with Josh.  I know because I think I have a similar look on my face.  "Donna, you go into his office in a few minutes and let him know we are here.  We are all going in there."  He lets us know his plan.

            There are no noises coming from Josh’s office and the suspense is killing all of us.  We end up giving him two more minutes before sending Donna in.  We all watch, holding our breaths as she unlocks his door and slips into the room closing it behind her.

            A few seconds later she comes back out.  She looks pale.  There is something definitely wrong.  "Is he in there?"  Leo is our spokes person.

            Donna is definitely flustered.  "Yeah, he’s asleep.  Uhm, I think you should go in and take a look for yourself.  But be really quiet."

            "Donna what are we looking at?"  I don’t like games.  Especially if they involve people I care about.

            "You shouldn’t be able to miss it, but look at his back and wrists."  I now see the tears in her eyes.

            We enter Josh’s office.  I see exactly what Donna was talking about.  We all do.  I move closer.  I wonder if he is still breathing.  I check that while the others are rooted to their spots.  

            There are red lines, slowly growing wider, seeping across the back of his blue shirt.  His wrists are rubbed red.  I notice similar marks on his neck and the front of his shirt.  When I stand back up Leo motions us to leave the room.  

            We are congregated around Donna’s desk again when I tell of my findings.  "He is breathing.  He is also bleeding on his chest and he has burn marks on his neck too."

            "What’s he gotten into?"  CJ asks.

            "I don’t know, but it doesn’t look healthy."  No shit Sam.  "We need to get him help."

            "I know someone."  Leo says as he picks up the phone.  We listen to the one sided conversation that Leo is having.  He is asking for a Robert Hodges.  He turns back to us after a bit.  "A doctor is on his way.  He is a friend of mine and works in a small hospital.  He should be here in about 20 minutes.  We are going to need to wake him soon.  I want to know his story."

            "I’ll do it."  Sam volunteers.  

            "Okay.  We might have to strong arm him into letting this doctor see him.  CJ, Donna, I’m not excluding you I just think that this will be hard enough for Josh without you guys around."

            "Got you Leo.  Do you want me to tell the president?"  CJ asked.

            "Not till I know more.  Are you two going to be able to keep everyone away?"

            "I think we can."

            "Okay Sam do your thing."  

"Wait."  Donna calls.  We watch as she pulls a can of soda out of her desk.  He was vomiting before.  This might help.

Sam nods, and we watch as Sam walks into Josh’s office.  We have no idea what’s happening in there.  I figure that if Sam needs back up he will ask for it.

 

Sam’s POV.

            

            I can do this.  I keep telling myself.  I’m his best friend.  I walk into the room with everyone staring at me.  I’m scared for him.  He looks bad.  I tap him on the shoulder.  "Hey, Josh.  Time to wake up."

            "I’m up."  He mumbles and tries to move.  He doesn’t get too far.

            "Let me help you."  I offer.  I can feel him wince in pain.  This is not good.

            "There is Advil on my desk.  Can you get me 4?"

            Four Advil?  Aren’t you supposed to only take like two of them at a time?  I look at Josh again.  He looks to be in a lot of pain.  Maybe he will talk more if he is in less pain.  I open the bottle and put four pills in his hand and offer him the open can of soda.  

            I don’t think that Josh knows what’s going on yet.  He takes the pills and some soda.   I watch him closely.  I see him look down at his arms and recognition covers his face.  I better get this started.  "Josh, we need to talk."

            It’s almost like he doesn’t hear me.  "I got to make a phone call."  He answers.

            "Josh."

            "Sam.  Alone please.  I’ll be out soon."  And he picks up the phone.  I shrug my shoulders and walk back outside.

            Four pairs of eyes look at me when I open the door.  "He needed to make a phone call."  I explain.  Leo and Toby go over to empty desks and pick up phones.  CJ and I exchange glances and do the same.

 

Josh’s POV

 

            Everything hurts.  I need more Advil.  Thank god for Sam.  Oh shit.  What is that on my arms?  It is then that everything comes back.  Oh shit, oh shit.  Sam’s here.  That means everyone else is close by.  He has seen the marks.  He knows.  I look at the clock.  Double shit.  It’s close to 6:30.  I’m starting to panic.  Sam is saying something to me.

            "I got to make a phone call."  I tell him.

            "Josh."

            Why isn’t he leaving me?  "Sam.  Alone please.  I’ll be out soon."  I’ll make up something to tell him.  I see Sam nod and close the door.  As soon as he’s out I pick up the phone and dial.

            I’m sweating as the phone rings.  "Hello?"  She answers.

            "I’m going to be late."

            "You already are."  

            I gulp.  "I know Ma’am."

            "Why didn’t you call?"  She sounds pissed.

            "I fell asleep Ma’am."

            "No excuse."  She berates me.

            I cringe.  "Yes Ma’am."

            "When are you leaving?"

            "In 30 minutes Ma’am."  It shouldn’t take me that long to resign.

            "20 Joshua.  And I’ll be looking for you."

            "Yes Ma’am."  I feel so defeated.

            "I have a surprise for you.  I picked up some plastic hoops.  If I pierce your nipples tonight they should be ready to play with by Friday night."

            "Yes Ma’am."  I’m going to be sick again.

            "And Joshua, you will be wearing spikey again tonight for not calling me sooner."  

            "Yes Ma’am."  And she hangs up.  I do the same and move to make myself presentable.  It takes me a bit because I’m feeling a bit lightheaded.  Maybe I’ll pass out tonight.

 

Leo’s POV

 

            How could this have happened?  I’m in crisis mode now.  As soon as Josh disconnects the phone I dial for the secrete service.  "There is a woman at Josh Lyman’s residence.  I want her picked up quietly in less than 20 minutes.  Hold her until I get there."  Part one is taken care of.  Now I must deal with my staff.

            "That’s sick."  CJ says.  She has never been known to mince words.

            "Yes it is."  Intervention is going to happen now.  "Donna.  Let us know when Dr. Hodge gets here."

            "Yes sir.

            I motion for Sam to walk in first.  In all honesty he is the least threatening of any of us.  "Josh."  He calls.

            "Sam I’ll be out in a second.  I just need to finish this."  

            We all walk into the office.  I take a good look at my deputy.  He is back in his chair with the suit jacket and tie back on.  He looks very pale.  There are dark circles under his eyes and he looks like he lost a lot of weight.  "What are you doing?"  I ask.  I seem him typing at his computer.

            "I’m sorry Leo.  I’m almost done with my letter of resignation.  Then I just have to apologize to CJ."

            I guess he doesn’t realize she is in the room.  I look around.  I see her in the corner.  Away from Josh.

            "Josh, talk to me."

            "About what Leo."

            "Joshua, what’s going on?"

            "I’m done Leo.  I’m sorry."  I see he is starting to get worked up.

            "Calm down.  You don’t need to resign."

            "Yes I do."

            There is a knock on the door and Donna peeks her head in.  "He’s here."

            "Send him in."  I tell her.

            Dr. Robert Hodges is an elderly man.  He shakes my hand as he walks into the office.  "What is this Leo?"  Josh asks.

            "This is Dr. Hodges.  He is going to check you out."

            Josh looks like a caged animal.  "There is no reason.  I’m fine."  He says slowly.  As if he is trying to convince himself.

            "Josh."  Sam starts forward.  "We saw your back."  He says softly.

            Josh stands quickly.  He is trying to back away from all of us.  Okay maybe this isn’t going to be as easy as I thought it would be.  His legs give way and he falls to the floor.  Sam and Toby move to catch him, but his "No."  Stops them in their tracks.

            There is another knock.  "Leo, Line 5."  Donna tells me. 

            Without looking away from Josh I pick up the phone.  "Yes."

            "Mr. McGarry.  We have the woman in custody.  We are brining her back to house to hold her."

            "You got her?"

            "Yes sir.  We have called in our guys to look over this place.  They are collecting samples and such.  We will let you know where we are once we get her situated."

            "Okay."  And I hang up.  "Josh."  I wait for him to look at me.  He is sitting on the floor.  Sam and Toby are standing on each side of him with their hands at their sides and a few steps away.  "The woman who was you’re your apartment is now in the custody of the secret service."

            

CJ’s POV

 

Josh looks like he is going to loose it any second.  I don’t know how much more he can take of this.  I don’t know how much more I can.

"Oh god."  He says as he breaks down into tears.

            Sam goes to move closer.  "Don’t touch me."  Josh yells.  Sam backs up.

            "Josh you are bleeding.  We want to help you."  Sam tries to explain.

            Toby kneels down by Josh.  "Joshua, please.  We aren’t going to hurt you."

            "I can’t."  Josh is still crying.

            "Joshua, Get up."  I can’t do this any more.  This soft handling of him isn’t working.  Time for some tough love.

            I’m surprised he listens to me "Yes Ma’am."  He answers.  He tries to stand.

            "Josh, Let Toby and Sam help you."  Leo adds when Josh can’t get up.

            "No."

            "Josh.  Toby and Sam are going to pick you up and put you on the couch."  I order again.  

            "Yes Ma’am."  He closes his eyes as Toby and Sam help him stand.  I understand why he is listening to me.  That doesn’t mean I have to like doing this.

 

Toby’s POV

            

            It’s nice to see that at least one of us here has taken a psychology class or two.  I move slowly.  All my moves deliberate.  I see Sam trying to mimic me.  That’s good.  I look at Sam.  He seems to be troubled by all of this.  Hell we all are.  

            We move him to his chair.  I look down at the floor and notice a stain.  I look at the back of Josh’s pants next.  There seems to be a wet spot there.  I sniff the air.  No.  It doesn’t seem like he soiled himself.  "Doctor."  I point to the floor.

            "We have to get him out of these cloths."  The doctor looks at CJ.  "Can you find us some clean blankets and sheets?  Something that we can wrap him up in after we undress him?"

            "Yeah."  She walks over to Josh and lifts up his face.  "Joshua.  I want you to listen to Toby.  You are to do what he says.  Do you understand me?"

            "Yes Ma’am."  He answers automatically.  It is very scary.  It’s like he has been programmed.  I start to remove Josh’s tie and shirt as CJ walks out of the room.  

            "Sam."  Leo calls him into a corner.  I can hear them talking softly.  But I don’t know about what.  I am totally focused on Josh.  I hear a door open and close.  I look up.  Sam is now gone.  

            "Josh I need you to lean forward a little."  I tell him.  The shirt is sticking to him because of the blood.  His undershirt is worse.  I pick up a pair of scissors and cut it off in pieces. I am horrified at his chest and back.  Besides there being numerous slashing marks his skin in a rainbow of colors.

            "This man has been abused.  What happened?"  The doctor is by my side.  He has on a pair of gloves.               

            "We don’t know yet.  We are working on it.  How is he?"  Leo is talking.  Good.  I don’t think I could.  

            The doctor looks to be cleaning the cuts.  Some have stopped bleeding.  Others are still oozing.  

            "He should be in a hospital Leo."

            "I know.  But we want to keep this under wraps as much as possible."

            "If someone will stay with him at his place I will take of this here.  I might need some more supplies."

            "I’ll stay."  I don’t even realize the words come from me until Leo speaks.

            "You sure?"

            I just nod

            "Okay.  Bob.  Just let me know what you need."

            "Right now I want to take off his pants.  Where is that blanket?  I don’t want him to get too cold."

            "Sam is going to be working on it.  He is working on something."

            "Let’s look at the other half."

            "Josh."  I talk to him slowly.  "We are going to have to remove your pants.  I’m going to need you to help me a little."  

            His belt is no problem.  I unbutton the pants and pull down the zipper.  The bit of his boxers that I see is red.  With Leo’s help we get the pants down to his ankles.  The red on his boxers has grown.  It is deep red at his crotch.  Oh god.  This is not good.  I use the scissors to cut away the underwear and gag.

            Dr.  Hodges is immediately there with more gauze.  "You okay?"  He asks me.

            "No.  But neither is he."  The doctor nods as he moves my hand to Josh’s crotch.

            "Leo.  I have it right here."  Sam walks back in.  He has a pile of cloth in one arm and a piece of paper in the other.

            "Good.  Toby, Josh needs to sign this.  It gives Sam power of attorney."  Leo explains to me as I wrap the blanket around Josh with one hand.  The other is still holding the gauze to the bloody mess his penis is in.  

            "Joshua.  You need to sign this."  He doesn’t move.  The doctor nods to me and I move out of the way so he can clean the bleeding organ.  I take a pen and put it in Josh’s hand.  I move the pen to the paper.  "Sign your name Joshua."  He listens and does what I tell him.  I give the paper back to Sam.

            "Leo.  I can’t do anything here.  He is also bleeding from his rectum.  We can take him to my hospital.  I can keep it quiet there.  I trust the staff there."

            "Okay.  I’ll get you transport."  Leo picks up the phone again.  I turn my attention to Josh.  He is starting to shiver and his skin in clammy.  I can feel his pulse start to race.  "I think he is going into shock."  The doctor wraps another blanket around Josh’s shoulders.  I run my hands up and down Josh’s arms trying to warm him up.  

            "It’s probably from the blood loss."

            "Josh.  Hang in there.  We got you now.  It’s all going to be ok."  I keep talking to him softly.  I don’t know if he can hear me.  I think that this is more for my state of mind than for Josh’s.  

            "Toby you and CJ go with him.  I’m taking Sam."  Leo told me.  That’s fine.  I really don’t want to leave Josh any way.  

            "I’m worried about the blood loss."  The doctor interrupted.  "Has he eaten anything today?"  I don’t know.  He hasn’t had anything to eat with any of us.  Was he hiding from us?  Maybe if we were there we could have helped him.

            "Let me get Donna."

            "What is it Leo?"  She walks into the office with Leo.

            "Has he eaten anything lately?"

            "Nothing much.  Just some toast and jelly.  He has been taking Advil."

            "Advil?  How much?"

            "He took four this morning and 2 more later in the day."

            "He had 4 when he woke up before."  Sam adds.

            "That’s not good.  The Advil has probably thinned his blood.  Let’s get him out of here."

            Toby secured the blanket tighter around Josh’s body and with CJ’s help the got him out of the building into the waiting car.

 

Josh’s POV

 

            They found her.  At least that’s what Leo is saying.  But I hear her voice.  What is she doing here?  How did Leo find her?  She is telling me to stand.  I try and obey.  She tells me to let Toby help.  She knows Toby.  Oh god, oh god, oh god.  Toby is talking to me.  They found her and are holding her.  They are taking my clothing off.  They are going to see all the damage.  I can’t do this.  They are going to see the rope marks, the cuts, the bruises, and my cock.  I don’t want to think about it.  I can’t.  It’s all bloody.  I’ll never be able to use it again.  I can feel their eyes on me.  They all know.  They all know that this woman raped me.  Raped.  I can’t believe I said that.  Raped.  I was raped.  Iwasrapediwasrapediwasraped Iwasrapediwasrapediwasraped Iwasrapediwasraped!

 

 

Toby’s POV

 

I’m standing on Josh’s side.  I have a hand on his right leg.  It’s bent up so that his knee is to his chest.  I once again look at CJ.  She is sitting at the head of the bed with Josh’s head in her lap.  She is brushing his hair back and murmuring to him.  I can’t hear what she is saying.  I look back at Doctor Hodges.  

            We’ve been here for about 30 minutes already.  After a very silent ride to the hospital we were met by two nurses and a gurney.  They quickly loaded Josh onto it and wheeled him into this room.  

            Josh started to get agitated while we were away from him.  He was quiet when we were there.  So that is how we ended up in the room while the doctor and nurses are working on him.  Josh has been silent since we got in this room.  They decided that working on his ass first was best.  

            I’m kind of nauseated thinking about what is going on down that end of the bed.  I try not to think about it.  I’m more worried about Josh’s state of mind.  He was pretty fragile after being shot.  How the hell is he going to deal with this?  

            I will be there for him.  That much I can promise myself.  I won’t let this eat him up like it did with Roslyn.  I refuse.  I run a comforting hand up and down his leg.  I try and will him to be okay.  If only things were that easy.

 

            After three hours I’m standing outside of Josh’s room on a phone by the nurses’ station.  CJ is sitting at Josh’s bedside.  They say that he is in a state of shock.  It’s very unnerving looking at him with his eyes open staring at nothing.  They have him hooked up to a bunch of monitors and tubes.  But the blank look in his eyes is the most disturbing.  

            "Leo."  He answers his phone on the second ring.

            "It’s me."

            "How is he?"  
            "He’s resting now."  At least that’s what the nurses tell me.  "CJ is sitting with him.  It was pretty gruesome.  What’s going on?"

            "It seems that she had him all weekend.  He never made it to his vacation.  He was tortured.  She confessed.  Told us everything in explicit detail.  It wasn’t pretty.  We went through Josh’s place.  There is blood all over there.  We are getting someone to clean it after they are done collecting samples."

            "What’s going to happen to her?"  
            "I pulled some favors and she will be sentenced tomorrow."

            "So quick?"

            "She confessed and her lawyer knows that he has no case.  And agrees she should be off the street.  We are trying to get her committed.  He just had to allocute tomorrow and then she will be sentenced."

            "You are going to need CJ there for the press."

            "Sam, Donna and I are going to be heading over to you in about an hour."

            "Does the president know?"

            "I’ll tell him tomorrow morning.  He’s not going to like it though."

            "We’ll deal.  See you soon."

            

            "The doctor doesn’t know how long Josh is going to be like this."  I explain to my co-workers.

            "We are going to have to tell the press something.  They are going to realize that Josh is missing."  Really CJ?  I would have never guessed.  I try and not be disgusted with my friends but we are sitting in a waiting area in a hospital talking about policy and politics.  I really just want to be there with my friend.

            "Do we have to tell them what happened?  I mean not to sound callous but this happened out of the office and we don’t comment on the personal lives of staffers correct?"  Good job Sam.

            "But we have to tell them something.  And I am not going to lie to them."

            I see I’m going to have to add my two cents.  "How about Josh was attacked last night.  The perp was caught.  We will know her sentencing tomorrow correct?"  I look at Leo.  At his nod I continue.  "This was a random act of violence.  And not connected in any way with the White House.  And the White House doesn’t comment on the private lives of staffers."

            They all nod.  Good I got them to agree to one thing.  Now on to the next piece of business.  I know that this one is not going to go over as well.  But it needs to be done.  "We are going to have to appoint an interim deputy."  I see them all look at me like I have three heads.  I guess I should explain.  "The doctors don’t know how long he is going to be like this.  It could be days, weeks, or even months.  When he wakes up and if he wants we give the office back to him.  We don’t even know what kind of state he is going to be in when he wakes back up."

            I think I get them to understand.  I don’t want to take Josh’s job from him.  But we need to keep functioning.  And this way none of us have to feel like we are pressuring Josh into returning to work before he is ready.  Which is what I think we did wrong with the shooting.  I know I have Sam on my side as he starts to make suggestions of people we can pull.


End file.
